Entry 23
Saturday, May 22, 2004

just came back from the fest of chinese stalls. drinks, food. orchard road. esplanade. and now words crying to be written sneak into my head and burst into tears.

i sound mad. ..
-___-"

- - -

i.
the air is sizzling, it's alive --
i feel it, it's somewhere, it's ahead, it's steps away
and my steps quicken, up, up, ahead! i know --
it's the crowd, it's the people, it's they who draw me

like a vulture to a carcass, a beast to the dark
i'm suddenly in the midst of them, i'm one of them --
but maybe i'm not, i'm still donning my mask, wait --
wait, wait, i'm just looking, yes, just looking, wait

ii.
he grabs my hand, pries my fingers open, and i flinch --
(it's filthy, the touch is unclean) cries an offer for my fortune
but i don't want it told, i don't need my secrets revealed
(go away, i scream silently) but he starts measuring --

6 inches, 6 inches, he cries triumphantly, take your pick
(no, no, let me go) and they look on, i feel their eyes
he turns away, tending to another (let me go!)
and i break into a run, my secrets safe, my fortune free

iii.
grotesque rings, while the sign exploits the fashion country
wear it, wear it, she cries, it will look nice on you
(i look at her) graying hairs, wrinkles (is she a granny?)
wear it, wear it, and i obligingly try it on -- but i run again

i run, i run, but i never get away
these people, they surround me, they weave around me--
an intricate net of threads, bring her in, they cry
she can buy my stuff, the products, for i want her money

iv.
i see them again, those people, they scream
scream hysterically (these cries, they irk) while they're flung
flung, spun, flung, spun -- and they scream, they scream
(shut up!) didn't they pay to go on the ride if so what's wrong

a small child, he runs up to me, and his eyes --
so large, so soulful (my nephew, yes he is) and filled with tears
(my nephew would never cry) opens his mouth, wails
while the two caretakers from hell come up and sigh

v.
i know, i know, but i will not say the truth
i won't ever say it to anyone, it's not a part of me to do --
so, if i dont' say it such a thing has never existed (amen!)
i am one of them, yes i am, i really am,

i am one of these incomprehensible alien bodies, i am.

- - -
this is not satisfactory. *sulks* the one in my mind was better. ahh forget it.