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Thursday, July 29, 2004

i am seriously pissed off and temperamental.

first off. i am totally angered by the sec three cohort who are in charge of my cca being such bitches. seriously. whats the point? and i have an uncanny feeling that they are actually pretending to be good all this while. sheesh. their acts have failed for now. what makes me want to puke even further is the fact that i have co-practice tomorrow, which doesnt lighten my mood as it usually does.

second. aidil is seriously being a pain in the neck. in class. we were supposed to be anonymous and share problems. mine was financial based. and there he was, talking about me not supposed to buy expensive handphones because of my situation. i mean. .. what the fuck? it is not that i am in a financial crisis. i am scared of being in a financial crisis.

i couldnt help but cry. and khairul was so kind to cheer me up and so was shahzli. azleen, mainisah, sufyan, jestyn, shikin, fit, shafiqah were all there to hear me out. but i just felt despair and cried even further. shafiqah was talking about how far aidil was going. i cannot deny that he is being a bit over. i was seriously angry with him. but i know that i shouldnt try to make the situation worse. he thinks that he is a respected person. i shall just humour him.

and miss wee saw me crying desperately with a whole horde of students around me. i really felt better with friends around me. but i was still worried. about my situation and stuff. i mean. all these transitions are making me go nuts. i know that studies are important. i shall do my best in studies. but i am also worried about what i am in now.

it is hard to imagine. but i mean. to me. it seriously hurts. considering all the nice phrases and words that aidil once talked to me about. i now wonder about what his real meaning and intent behind those words were.

lit test was alright. i believe that i could do well in it. i hope. life is now all about hope, prayer and hard work.

sheesh.
i have helped others overcome their problems. now, none can help me with mine.

maybe eileen could. but. .. considering what she has been going through. ..

maybe i am alone in trying to stop this facade.
i can sense decadence falling upon me. ..

maybe when it comes to real problems. i am alone in this. just like others with their real problems.