Entry 72
Wednesday, July 21, 2004

i shall write todays entry based on what comes to mind. so please bear with my nonsensicalness if it does so happen occurs. i am not sure what crap i am typing, so yeah.

okae, today i spent two hours crying silently in my room. well, my consensus told me not to cry so openly as my mother was making her usual rounds. and i pretended to be asleep. well, a stroke of luck and genius i guess.

never in my life have i been pissed by god sisters. and i guess that i have to make edits to the previous statement as i just gotten hurt and pissed by two of my god sisters. and to think that i regarded them as my closest god sisters. now how hurting could that be. kae, xinmin was right, god relationships is when people are there for each other, and we are. but i think that there has been something else behind their actions. all the things that these two sisters of mine have made. i doubt that they were sincere. i have an uncanny feeling that they have been having some sort of thinking behind their actions.

i have been taking this all this from the time when we agreed to be god siblings. from the beginning, i realized that there was something that they were somehow not their normal self. i shrugged this feeling off, but i guess that i was right all the while. they are so called. not their true self. putting a different face in front of me, so called.

oh yeah. and i am fucking pissed.all your words and actions. i have been taking like shit. and there you were, claiming that you were joking.
next time, i shall make sure that i let loose a whole flow of vulgarities. after that, i shall smile and exclaim:

JUST JOKING

then i shall see how your reaction would be. oh thats not the end of the list. i dont think that one entry is enough to fit all the things that you both have done to me. and yes, i am more angry than ever. i have trusted you too much. i thought you were that people in my life i could lean on and trust but it turned out that i am wrong, terribly wrong. and presents? i have thoughts of not giving you at all. oh and if you want the presents that you have once given me back, sure i shall give them back. no problem. it is not an issue with me.

seriously. i do not know what made me believe that you were how i thought you are. i trust too much and am too blinded by your actions and words which i regarded as sincere.

argh bloody hell.
i have nothing more to comment on. shall stop here.

you bitches have messed up my life.enough of your words.