127; blankness
Thursday, June 9, 2005

right now, or rather these few weeks, i have been thinking awfully a lot about her. and seriously, it seems detrimental how the thought of her can drive me so damn out-of-sorts. and a lot of my close friends are asking about her. and all that i can do is be embarrassed about the whole thing and admit that she doesnt have a clue and that i dont dare make any instances.

sighs. this is driving me a tad insane. i mean, all those reams of poetry that i have been writing here or writing in my notepad has all been due to the drive that i have for her; i havent been writing such nice reams of poetry since you-know-who.

however, despite my blankness, i am really happy! seriously, i have never felt that this amount of jubilation and elation since i dont know when. someone told me that i have a talent!

which totally drove me into the pits. first off, the person who told me so was one that i admired. and my blankness was affecting my capability in understanding people's words. asides from that i was tired and worn out. so all i did was give a 'huh?'. and that person repeated. i was smiling.

i mean. really. true smiles from me are so rare lately, all i seem to be giving my friends or contacts seem to be superficial smiles and fake laughter. the worse part would be that i give snide remarks or even smirk. apologies to madeline and kell who were at my receiving end like just now? oh my god.

i feel so guilty. ok, i am.

gosh, everything is driving me insane. i mean, i worry about this and that. and seemingly, i dont know what to do. my thoughts are wild. and really, with all the problems that i am tackling, i understand the reason as to why they are wild. but i got to control them. which i utterly fail in. now that sucks. really.

and it was like, just now, mrs phelps called me and was ranting at me as to why my indefinite break from french class is not yet over. i was first thrown aback that she was concerned. whats more, i always thought that pierre was the somewhat apple in her eyes.

moi posseder une autre filfrere. que les repentir fait qui va edifice.

practicing my french. just a true sentence written in french. translation shall not be revealed. provided you learn french. vickie is one. SMILES; she'd know. leon told me that there's bound to be french tests coming up. thanks leon for the tip. owe you one. but oh wells. i really need help with my french! gawdd. okie. not the time to get overworked.

ok. eighteen hours more till i leave overseas. oh my. five solid days without my blog to write towards. oh god. never mind. i shall bring my journal and write craps there in the train and plane. the problem with me is that i really cannot sleep in public transport even if i am tired, which explains the horrendous amount of jet-lag i would experience compared to others. oh my. twenty hours in the train! 4 hours or so in the plane. oh god. a whole day of no sleep.

heh. my grandmother and my aunt better be looking forward to seeing a zombie-like me. or should it be mummified?

whatevers.

ok. i think i shall reached the end of my pointless crapping and writing bullshit on my blog. off to sleep. i still got to hand in physics worksheets and the stupid coupons tomorrow. urghh.

-mentally off azri