141; vagueness
Saturday, June 25, 2005

it takes one simple thing. one small thing and i begin feeling down again. i dont know. it seems weird that xx is now with a guy and yet she is like so friendly. ok, i know that one would still be friendly despite being attached and whatsoever. but even so, i dont know. i feel weirded.

like, i still like her and all, and all the boundaries that used to exist in our conversations are now confined. and everything seems so suffocating. she doesnt seem to realize my change in tone and all. except that she realize that i have a problem. but whenever i give hints which actually point to her, xx just takes it, its really another girl.

but wells. maybe she is very trusting. but here, i was hinting for her to know the actual truth. but she doesnt get it. and really, i sounded damn constipated on msn when i told her how great it was that she has got him. but again, she didnt realize anything. but i dont know. i dont know whether to take it easily or hard. i know that if i am taking the easy way out, that only proves me to be a coward. but taking the hard way would prove too hard for me.

i love the way that she's so happy now. unlike last time when she was ultimately blinded by her past. i knew that it was stupid to be secretly harbouring feelings for her. but in a sense, i just loved her for who she was. pardon. i know this sounds contradictory. but now, i dont know how to think and react. or how to feel for what that has happened.

things arent going to change. whilst i know that i should be happy for her and all. ok. let's just say things like this are surely hard to kill and all. and i dont know whether i will reach the point as to give up totally on her. but oh wells.

what am i saying? i should be happy for her. yeshh. happy now. since another xx has been such a nice person to me today. so touched.

i shall let time and my heart do all that. right now, the bed beckons.