149; happy azri
Friday, July 1, 2005

I AM SO DAMN HAPPY TODAY. wells. actually from last night really. finally, me and zihao have settled our differences already and everything's very much better, thank you very much. and right now i feel so damn guilty really. cause of giving him such a bad nickname during those period which i was so damn angry with him. sorry worr. and i am so happy, i could burst. burst with happiness of course. and really. thanks so much to all those who were there for me and coping with me when i was like a stressed out bitch.

ahahas. how crude.

so yeahs. and nice sufyan who was there majority of the time has fallen ill and i think its mainly due to listening out too all my rants and whatever crap i gave him previously about the whole epic. take care ya, sufyan? god bless. oh my god, the happiness is so huge, it fills me to the the brim with live and joy. yayy. rocks. wells. sufyan again is to be thanked for forcing me to talk to him and all. hahas. thanks dude.

basically it happened yesterday afternoon. sufyan adviced me that i should try talking to zihao and clear doubts. according to him, its due to miscommunication and all that we arent on good terms with each other. and yes, i think so too. so sufyan after school straight headed for zihao and asked him to talk to me. and i was like appalled. i mean, sufyan promised to be like be there with me so that i would have a nervous breakdown and all and he disappeared. so i was like denying that i had anything to say.

i thought it was left at that. i was feeling rather lost cause it was like confronting without any preparation and it was super hurting. and then at night, after my religious class, he sms-ed and said;

"you got something to say to me?"

and i was like yeahhs. i was super happy actually. this was the first time that he sms-ed me. despite the fact that we were still not on good terms and all. whats more, i came to find out that actually, he told sufyan that he wanted to call. i doubted. but, i came to realize that he meant it! he wanted to call and i didnt want to. cause even though we're brothers and all, the communication gap isnt yet mended you know? so i told him to meet me online after i watched the serial lost on tv.

online, he made me tell him what i feel. and yes, frankly. and put it this way. i aint the nicest person when i am frank. i mean. it would be something like, you know. my mouth just acts upon rashness and sudden reaction or something. so yeahhs. so i was like telling him about all those promises broken and all. those times when i felt like talking but didnt dare to, cause i was afraid of experiencing monotony.

and he lashed back, claiming that i also dont bother hanging out with him. he said that i just hanged out with those i know and spend me time laughing my ass off at jokes. ok. i felt as though i was slapped across the face. cause that was true. so i lashed back, claiming that its always be trying to go to him and talking but he doesnt do anything. he then ranted at me, claiming that he did but whenever he did so, i gave him the sarcastic face. so i was like apologizing. i admit la. i tend to be rather cynical and serious sometimes so i tend not to get jokes. sad huh?

so after that, we were lashing at each other how the other was insensitive, doesnt care, very mean and all. it was super duper childish. uber stupid and naive i tell you. i felt like a five year old complaining about spilt milk. i wonder if zihao felt that way. but even so, i guess its good that we were open about our thoughts and feelings. hahas. how uber mushy!! but i like it. HAHAS. being lame here. its obvious what my happiness has done to my mental state. hahas. though its temporary.

i dont know how long we were just plainly lashing at each other. it was stupid really. i mean. whats the point? but soon, i realized that the whole conversation wouldnt go anywhere at this rate, so i decided to tell him two options.

a) would you want to continue being brothers and working something out to help the situation? :)

b) or do want to walk away, and saying byebye, taking the easy way out and not bothering about this whole thing at all? :(


i was like praying to my lucky stars. and then he chose a! the heavens have faith in me! hahahas. yayy. its so wonderful to know that. so i was literally shouting in my room how happy i was. thank god my mother or sister or father didnt like wake up and give me a lengthy sermon on conduct of housekeeping or whatever craps.

zihao promised not to not reply my sms-es (to which i said werent important if we had good communcation) and will be there for me. how sweet. hahas. i am going temporarily deranged. wells. its ok. i guess all those pain has ebbed away and that things would be better. hopefully.

zihao, keep your promise forever ok? rock on bro.

allow me to write credits.

god relations

samantha, cassandra, atikah, teresa, zihao, yuxue, jestyn, howsun.

soulmates and besties

sufyan, haiguang, madeline, and tonnes more.

best friends

that'd be the whole world.