162; hiatus (again)
Sunday, July 17, 2005

its been a long time really. and if you realize that this post is like the 162th compared to my previous which is 158th. the hiatus? wells, it turns out that i have been counting wrongly from my fifteenth post, and since i dont want editing all the titles from fifteen to 158th, i'll just change this entry to the correct number.

thats what i call using our brains even in the most delicate situation. hahas. now, doesnt that seem intricate and spellbounding?

just being lame, i apologize. its like, right now, i'm rather at this huge crossroad between beliefs and denials. not beliefs as in religious wise, but those of daily life. those thoughts of friends and family and et cetra. and also of strawberry. its like, he's nice la. but sometimes, i aint sure whether he realizes my feelings.

i want to tell him. but i always cant. and people say that i should just be neutral. but to what cost? its getting nuts and detrimental just standing at one point and just waiting.

i dont know, maybe its because of my family background that i so much want to be close to all my friends. since friends have become my family somewhat. though i am not sure, how long friends remain friends, i am just a trusting shit to just have continued faith that they'd remain faithful.

nathan says that i shouldnt depend too much. ak says that i shouldnt love too much. i dont know. maybe its cause i think that with this, things would change. and be better as well. but i dont know. i yearn to be super close to my brothers and sisters. yet, thats hard to. maybe jestyn's right.

quote him;
i'm sure that everyone including me and hao ge, that you are serious about the god relations. we are too, but we just aint sure how to show it.

true. or rather superbly true. i mean, somehow, i can see that i am hoping for too much. and maybe in the process, i have been mean as wells. but i guess i do try to be less demanding. i shall go off now. and reflect on myself. ciaos.