178; sad, lonely
Thursday, August 18, 2005

the time has come to tear me apart. slay me, kill me. i feel so tired lately. so moody, depressed, repressed. my emotions are supressed since i dont know what will become of me and all those around me if i were ever to show them out to the world. to those i love and care.

tears can no longer cascade, which is a pity since the pain that ensues is greater without the healing force of tears calming one's senses. it never cease to intrigue me as to how sometimes, i feel as though i'm being faking all this strength and courage.

i dont know what has happened. i dont know why am i feeling this way. it feels so damn annoying and vague, as though something bad's going to happen and this feeling is irking me to sense it and realize it before it's too late. but what is it?

days have been so demanding in school. nights have been so painful and sombre. everyday seems like a funeral to remorse the going and passing away of a day and celebration of the arrival of a new one, contemplating whether it's going to be enjoyable or sad, angry or simply hazy in one's eyes.

right now, i am feeling rather blank at what i am doing. things have seem nonsensical and no matter how i try making logic out of something, i just fail to do so. things all dont make sense damn it! i am sick and tired of all this blankness and feeling cramped up and squeezed up.

bloody hell, i just feel like crying. but tears are no longer there. things can be sad as they are emotional, my chords are never struck. and freaking hell, i just dont know what i'm writing. everything is so bottled, and now that i am letting them rush out, they dont make any sense at all.

i want someone's shoulder to lean on right now. i just cant go on like this soul on the verge of an impending cliff.

damn it, all this is my fault. all mine.