180; i didnt procrastinate
Sunday, August 21, 2005

=)

i am so proud of myself today. i studied, read and did my homework from ten all the way to just now at six-thirty. and now i am penning my thoughts here, since i am feeling all mentally drained. yes, it seems that i am happy, is it not? well, actually it's not a day where i feel all happy and proud totally.

i am upset. no other reasons but my mother. yes. she did something so conniving that i dont think that anyone would side her. except for my neutral father. and what's the accusation, may you ask? she claimed that i was smoking in my room.

just thinking of her words make my blood boils. seriously, how dare you mom, accuse me of something so low? is that how you feel that i have slandered? to the extent of smoking and whatever other shit you want to hurl accusations against me? is that it?

you dare say that i smoke. when you've no evidence, nothing. no cigarrette butt. no wisps of ash, totally nil, nada. just some whiffs of smoke that you detected and oh you go, screaming and yelling at me that i smoke. you sure did touch a nerve there when i was having breakfast.

there i was, innocently eating bread and scrambled eggs and you come in, barely woken up from your fucking sleep and start yelling at me about smoking in my room discreetly. i was having a bloody headache and you've only got yourself to blame. one, for accusing me without reason; two, for yelling at me when i was having breakfast and having a splitting headache.

you should be thanking your lucky stars that i didnt bring up all the shitty things that you've been doing from the past, that both dad and i kept quiet about. you should be thanking your dumb luck that my words wasnt peppered with things like "fuck you", "you bitch" and "asshole".

you're darn lucky that i wasnt tiffed off to that extent. cause if i am, i dont know what havoc would befall on the house, and on my head for saying so. but just be lucky that my mouth didnt spat those words, which i would have clearly loved saying.

to cap it all off, you dared break down. hello? who should break down? shouldnt it be me? cause you can't even trust your own son? why are you breaking down instead? to prove your position?

cause if that's the case, dont worry. that's cause you've tried proving your position and stance as a parent for too many times for too many wrong reasons. that's why i've never looked up to you and admired you as a parent. and it's all your own fault.

i've reached my limit, all right? i'm tired of all these promiscuous talks. the chasm between both of us as a parent and son shall never be resolved. you're always standing by your own thoughts. never mine. never by evidence. it's all your stupid thinking that you so shallowly follow and assume.

it's conniving. you're getting unearthly paranoid seriously. be it that you are concerned about me, fine. but that doesnt give a fucking reason for you to wrongly point and blame without any evidence and getting all worked up and claiming that i got my priorities wrong.

you never realize how much your words hurt now dont you? you think that you understand. that you realize, as a parent, the troubles and problems we face. but you're wrong. if you cant even judge things by fact but instead by your own stupid presumption, how are you ever going to be able to understand me? or my sister?

you dare say that i mix with the wrong crowd. whatever. blame all you want. i know where my priorities lie. you don't.