190; saddening melancholy
Saturday, September 24, 2005

life seems to be on the verge of extremes lately. i mean, i am feeling rather overwhelmed with all the events that have been happening. like, exams, family going into pieces. the list is like endless. i also realize whilst reading through my posts just now, there's been something that i havent shed some light on.

desperate people.

i wont mention names, and if you feel that it is you and start feeling all sensitive, please check with me whether it has to do with you. the fact lies that this message that i am about to convey is to a character that i seldom bring into my diary posts. therefore the chances that it would be one of my darling friends is nil, nada.

okay, to YOU. i'd like you to know that this mess that you've landed yourself in has your name written all over it. seriously, dont tell me what i feel and dont ask me for my opinion. cause i aint in any position to judge. you do know that i've always have been neutral. thus, i shall remain neutral in the adversity of this matter.

it is true that i have been angry with you witht he stupid things that you've done at times, but again, i cannot do anything about that since it's you and you decide where you are going to lead. i've no say. just like how your family and everyone else has no say as to what you want to do.

yes, i shall give you credit for being that first friend to me when i entered shuqun in secondary two. but now realizing what you have done, i sit and wonder how i have made that huge error of trusting you on my part.

there're nasty things that the world has been talking about you. everyone respects you just enough as not to burst your bubble. it's saddening to know that all your actions prove to be your own undoing. why can't you realize what you are doing to yourself and to society? why are you then killing yourself with actions which you non-stop claim to be "man"?

because there's this fine line between being man and a coward. no one ever said that we wanted to ostracize you from beginning to make you have no friends. (gosh was that a stupid way to phrase a sentence) we all were willing to accept you if you were yourself. now you landed yourself in this muddle and we just cant accept you for your connivings. it's not our fault. it's yours.

i've always stepped in for you no matter what you did. my beliefs were that people should be given a second chance because we are all people or rather, human beings who are wholesomely capable of commiting sins and crimes. but why do you, time and again, make me realize that i shouldnt have bothered giving you those countless chances?

it turns out that you just dont bother. i give you a chance to redeem yourself with your friends, and you just happen to turn back and bite people in their necks. again and again. if irritation rises to anger and frustration for you, wouldnt it be the same for us?

i've to admit, it has reached the highest moment of anger and furiation for all of us. and because of me having stepped in for you, people now expect me to get all involved in this trauma to share my point of view. again! you proved that i shouldnt have believed in the fact that you can change. you just cant. you're so hopelessly addicted to stupidity, i'm surprised you havent killed yourself.

why must you do this?! why must you hurt your family and friends?! do we mean nothing to you?! are you thus concluding in my face that we are just nothing but pawns that you take and throw away as you please? if that's the case, then i shant admit that you're a friend ever again.

there were so many times that you stooped down to lowly rights like a vermin and did things that only brainless dodos do. can't you for once think of consequences and shame of your actions?

yes, you can be man. all guys want to be man. just please realize that there's more to man than doing stupid and pointless things. being a man has to do with friendships, trust, loyalty and faith. many other elements in life determines and makes a man. not immaturity and stupidity.

if you realize that and change, we'll all accept you and love you as our friend again. but if you were to remain this way, we'll just sigh and at least know we tried telling you what we feel as friends.

it's now up to you what you want to do. ultimately, it's your life. not ours.