202; throw my life away
Saturday, March 25, 2006

yes, i am seriously throwing my life away. i am so sorry to say it but yes. indirectly it is like i am going to kill myself slowly. sorry to ak for copying your msn nick but i just cannot help it. creativity ceases so i cannot exactly formulate new titles. i just got to plagarise. sorry.

okay. where do i start? i think that right now i am a sucky inferior asshole who cannot live a life of balance. currently, i am just feeling down and pathetic. no one knows, no one understand, no one bothers. okay, there are people who bothers. but i just dont want to burden them. they have enough on their backs. without me adding to their plates.

my studies is dropping faster than a whale dropping from a topmost tower to an ocean. that is a stupid simile but seriously i dont give a damn. my life is going down faster than sulphuric acid reacting with rubidium.

rayson says that i got capability. madeline says that everyone has talent, including me. ak says everyone got problems. words of advice come and go but i dont know why it is not helping me. others are faced with problems and moving on. but my problems just hold me down. that sucks.

the world around me spins and tells me it's secrets. most people i know are getting attached and i am the one who just broke with someone i thought i loved and who loves me for who i am. but turns out i just aint fit, or manly or muscular enough. saddening? definitely. but what can i do about it? NOTHING.

my head is clouded with thoughts of doubt, worry, frustration, and inferiority. ak is going to slap me for saying the inferiority word but i just cannot help it. ooo. who else is going to kill me for saying the inferiority word? rayson, sufyan, rose, ak, mai, daphne, jestyn, sien quan, zijia, cass, kuong hing and many others. i shall be killed and be reborn.

i am suicidal.
damn it.

xx told me that i am a total bitch. another second later, xx says that i am nice. can make up your fucking mind? bitch or not, i dont live to please you, you bloody asshole. yx claims that he realises that i dont exactly communicate with dodobird. is that any of your business, yx? and please note, it is not yuxue. it is just someone else in our gorgeous school.

bullshit.

i know this post is total bitch. but i am sorry. i just need to get things off my back. okay, on a lighter note, i am bessotted with someone. that is so strong a word.

things are better between me and some poeple. but asides from that, nothing is going smoothly in my life. NOTHING.