203; fag off
Thursday, April 13, 2006

for reference sakes, let me name this bitch, slut.

after many days of being consumed with slut's ulterior behaviour, i totally cannot stand it any longer. thus i turn to my blog to let out my pent up frustrations and anger at this woman who has just spread discord and been a total bitch in class.

come on man, you dont have looks. you know that. so stop acting as though you are some freaking superstar in class. being a total attention seeker and hoping that we would look up to you. so sorry. the world cannot stand it. so dont lie to yourself. dont pretend anymore. it does you no good.

you made it seem as though you are the only one in the world who is attached with a guy. COME ON SLUT. there are tonnes of other people out there who are attached but they arent low enough to actually PUBLICISE their love life as though it is such a phenomenon. maybe for you it is a phenomenon cause no one really thinks you can even fall in love now can you?

and if that is not bad enough, you had to bitch about me and xx when we were together.. fuck you man. who are you to judge people? are you sooooo good in the first place? maybe if you are tyra banks with the character of abraham lincoln, then maybe i would allow you to judge me and criticise me throughout my life. however, you arent.

your acerbicity and horrible mannerisms in life just deters me. it is so horrible. too horrible to the point it stinks. so please, just get lost from my life. i simply cannot stand looking at you and your bloody attitude.

after my anger has subsided, it is back to talking about my normal life.

well, i cried yesterday. during english. it was hellishly (this is an azri-created word) awkward cause the whole world was like staring cause we had to be in the concourse for some exhibition. but i couldnt help it.

i have been tutoring xx, yy and zz. they are anonymised in such a manner cause i dont really want many to know. but that was not the reason for my tears. i have been trying my best to help them in academics, from chemistry to physics. went to jurong library from eight to eleven just to coach. reaching home at midnight. waking up at five in the morning to go to school.

i sacrificed my time for them. cause i treasured these friendships and i wanted to go the extra mile since i believed i should. but what did they do? just criticise. just humiliate saying that i dont give a damn. that i dont care.

if i really didnt, why would i have given so much. tired myself out. felt so lethargic in school. worn out by recess. all these actions were just ignored. to them, i just dont care.

so much for helping. and if they said such hurting things once in a blue moon, it wouldnt really matter. but this was so frequent. everytime i think about it, i just feel useless and inferior. like i am nothing. like i suck. cause people claim that i want to be top and i never want to help others. which is total bullshit. cause i do want to help. i want the world to succeed.

but everyone is selfish. they jump to conclusions. conclusions that only hurt others. conclusions that only seek to destroy bonds of friendships and break all ties of communication. even though i try maintaining efficaciously strong communication ties, such mishaps destroy all.

sufyan, xinmin, pebrianti, decy, and yuqi are here. they are going swimming. sufyan just reminded me not to feel inferior and cause of that, i am starting to feel inferior. stupid sufyan. hahas.

anyway, this saturday's outing with her is cancelled. not really sad; but just disappointed. oh wells. i cannot really do much. but zining just asked me whether i want to go orchard. i dont mind, but i am really worn out. oh wells.

napfa is coming soon. this was where i really felt like throwing my life away. not really cause of napfa, but because sometimes poeple dont really understand that i regard napfa as a huge problem.

to others, they regard studies or some other stuff as problems. but for me napfa is a problem. and no one really tries to understand. for me, napfa just makes me so damn inferior. maybe cause of pull ups? maybe cause of the two point four kilometre run? i dont know.

like just now, sports day. xx was running really damn well. does anyone believe me when i say i feel low compared to them? they dont. they claim they understand what it is like being inferior. but actually they dont. they dont know how suckish it is to be someone who feels low day and night. who only has the comfort of the pillows of one's bed to cry on silently. who only can smile and hide all of one's sorrows and pain cause it is regarded as unimportant by many.

no one really tries to understand. people may claim to be there for you. but i dont want to burden them cause i know they have their own problems. joseph, jestyn, teresa, rayson, ak, cassandra, edmund, yuxue and daphne. they are my god sis and bros. and they say that they'd be there for me. but i dont want to hold them down. they have their own problems. they have their own life. i shouldnt be an annoying fly in their world.

i shouldnt be an annoying fly in anyone's world.
i'll just eff off.