215; mutterings
Thursday, November 9, 2006

screwed social studies source based. screwed geography. BADLY. i'm dead.

anyway.

i need to thank anne frank for teaching the world the phrase 'paper has more patience than people'. cause without that saying having been firmly imprinted into the abyss of my memory, i wouldnt have discovered the beauty of blogging. come on, there are so many things that i shared with diaries, journals and my blog. because i realised that anne was right. that paper would never judge you. they'll remain truthful in keeping your little dark secrets until the demons of time consume them.

all those little scraps of paper on which i wrote some thoughts and reflection upon remain hidden and secret. secret to only my soul and being. deep down i know that my secrets would never be used against me, unlike what edrina did. for that, i'd never forgive her..

life is a funny little journey. it's a maze of confusion, joyous celebrations. friends are wonderful treasures that you can have. but paper is priceless. would your friend remember that the second of february of 1999 bore significance in your life? probably not. but your blog would. and forever will.

so i dont really care that my friends tell me that blogs are gay. say all you want cause i dont want to be affected. those insensitive souls just miss out on the gains that a blog can bring. furthermore, some had to eat their words because they went on to become bloggers themselves!

- - -

i have found a reliable source of internet connection; jurong country club. i love you xinmin for introducing me to jcc. i digress that the cost is rather expensive, that is two dollars per hour, but i only require half an hour per blog entry, that is a dollar. so it's kind of affordable. better a dollar than be totally denied of blogging.

my computer is finally alright. mai was like, kinda shocked that i was typing when she called me just now, but wells. i guess she's the first to hear that my computer has been summoned from the dead. what an exaggeration.

anyway, currently blogging since i'm like uber terrified over the whole revision process for the o level examinations. i cried just now cause i woke up from a nightmare where i failed everything. madeline said that it isnt good that i am on tenterhooks, then again, given my psle history, i've hardly a choice now dont i?

madeline wants to know who is magician. she's sharp ain't she? so far, only she and xinmin actually questioned the fact as to whether the reference of magician actually refers to anyone alive. the only difference? madeline pursued the matter further. xinmin didnt. well, perhaps magician does refer to someone. but please don't ask me who.. because i honestly am wondering who that person is myself.

i cannot wait to create a blog skin. a purely azri original. i only did that once, and it took me like five solid hours staring at a computer screen. but i hope to do some more skins in the future for friends and for myself. no longer do i have to search around blogskins.com for so long, sometimes futile in my search for a skin that i can connect to.

derrick is one confident guy for o levels. zijia is freaking out and wondering whether we can achieve our goal of being andersonnians in anderson junior college. i am targeting nanyang junior college, which i know that my father will not be happy with, but never mind.

xx asked me why i no longer want to be a rafflesian in raffles jc. given my hideous preliminaries' aggregate, that dream is dashed, irregardless whether my parents will have qualms to the school fees or not. there are so many limiting factors. i'm disappointed but i know that i cannot let that affect me. but bryan was insistent to the fact that i should try for rjc. to that, i told him to shut up.

rude aren't i? but i was hurt by what he said, that i'm slacking and backsliding and 999 other terms. yes, raffles has always been my alma mater but how am i supposed to achieve that. and even if i get a perfect L1R5 of six, my bonus point of only one cannot get my into the science course.

damn it truly.

my deepest apologies xx, but please stop harping on it. if it affects you, please think how i feel about it then.

god.
sighs.

anyway, i found my backup files for my computer. i was smart. i didnt think i had the brains two years ago to think of a backup. anyway, inside were all the chat logs, pictures and memories from two years. i think i changed a lot. seriously a lot. i mean, last time, i could safely say, i didnt know much about friendship betrayals and all that bullshit. i always felt that life was perfect enough and nothing of that sort will happen to me.

but it did. edrina fucked my life upside down. there were also other incidents. which matured me a lot.

last time, i could spend the whole afternoon gazing out the window and feel depressed and sad that someone teased me about my pimples. or that a moron called me some degrading terms. now, such things don't really hold me down anymore. unless someone i regard as a true friend called me that, then maybe i'd be affected.

and the pictures! oh my god. i looked like a FREAK. the big hair, nerdy specs, yucky dressing. ah, i was blushing my ass off when i saw myself staring back at me in the computer. although i was alone, i felt so.. i can't search for an appropriate word for the feeling. nostalgia plus embarrassment plus hilarity. equate that for me and tell me an equivalent feeling will you? cause i cannot search for one.

thanks zijia for all the guidance you've provided during the whole o level examination revision. they were terrifying and definitely helped a lot.

anyway, i told my parents about my plan to renovate my room. my mother's happy. my dad's not. why? cause i'm planning to throw away a lot of stuff and ask madeline and haiguang over to help me with the planning of my new room. i mean, i found like forty shirts and pants that i cannot wear anymore. you don't expect me to keep them anymore now, do you? but my father does.

but he doesnt have a reason why. he just insists on it. thank god my brain was tired out from revision. cause if it was hyper, i'd just quarrel with him. i know it's bad, but i don't like it when he insists on something and there isnt any valid reason.

madeline is busy doing the whole calculation of costs and haiguang is checking the catalogue. me too, but i'm doing it in secret; i'd be screwed upside down if my parents discover me poring over some voluminous interior designing magazines. i got so many ideas, but i got to take consideration my room measurements and all that crap. darn.

wait wait wait. forgotten to mention. my mother wants me to swap to a bigger room. like yay! but the downside is that it is a corridor room. so when i'm exercising.. i shall CLOSE THE WINDOWS AND PULL THE CURTAINS. thats how self conscious i am. i'm still thinking of what colour shall the walls be.

i aint very enthused by the whole corridor room thing. my mom said that i have to, since it doesnt make sense that my sister takes that room. fineee. then she said something about the fact that our family is a room family. upon enquiring what on earth was she gibbering about, she stated that my sister is going to follow my behaviour and shut herself in the room.

excuse me? i aint anti-social. i just do that cause my sister doesnt allow me to pursue activities of my interest when the door is open. i cannot read, revise or do anything with her climbing around in my room like a monkey with a newfound freedom.

but my mother has a point. i think that's good, for we shall treasure all the times that we have together, like going out shopping! at home, however, we can do what we want to since we would have our respective responsibilities.

okay, that crappy topic aside, my mom diverted the conversation to my future ambition. she said that she always wanted a doctor and a lawyer in the family. what natural coincidence since i hope to be lawyer as my dream of pursuing living science (doctorate) has been destroyed by my choice of physical science. my sister can be the family doctor.

oh thats so cool!

i received an sms! from someone who asked what am i thinking of doing after o levels. ohhh.

shop at vivo city, heeren, tangs, takashimaya, wisma atria, plaza singapura, marina square, city link mall, suntec city, esplanade. eat at sakae sushi, billy bombers, terra cafe, jacks place, pastamania. indulge at coffee bean, sins chocolates, godiva chocolates, the coffee connoisseur. oh my god. so many places to go. so many things to do.

my cousin sent me a picture of this coooooool bag from crumpler. yes, i know it's common. and some insensitive bastards might remind me about rachel using a bag from crumpler. but i got to see it. it costs a hundred and seventy nine approximately.

*jaw drops.

soooooo expensive.

i'm definitely psyched for the start and end of o levels aren't i? okay.

anyway, zijia told me something. all those students in better schools have their display name in msn messenger counting down to the start of o levels. students who are in the neighbourhood schools have display names counting down to the end of o levels. like me!

time for zihao update. yes, he's a rocking brother. he is a rocking rocking brother. okay enough of that. things are fine between us. even madeline is pleased. anyway, i felt that another change in me was that, i think i've learnt how to manage the whole friendship thing between zihao and me. as in, i don't really have to worry when i dont receive an sms, since he loves to sleep! and forgets to reply. just the way he is. unlike last time, where i used to moan and groan and said things like he doesnt give a shit about the friendship which hurt a lot of feelings.

i definitely matured. .... a bit.
a teeny weeny bit.

oooooh. did i mention that i'm inviting friends over for a simple lunch at my house prior to hari raya. i havent been celebrating and this year's collection is pretty small compared to previous years. a measly three hundred. but never mind. next year is my revenge on the world. still wondering whose coming. i forgot to whom i extended invitations to.

laughs. memory drainage from too much revision.

still pondering about what to revise next.

okay this entry is like long!

so many things to talk about.

by the way i tried doing push ups just now and i got terrified at how weak my arms had gotten. it's like, last time i could do fifty standard ones easily and now, i can only do twenty? furthermore, i think at jc level, napfa is much more earlier than in secondary school, so i better get down to some real workouts after the o's.

my life seems to only start revolving after o's. currently my life is like zero! and thats atrocious! stupid o levels.

jestyn, daphne, mai and me have this stupid habit of imitating cindy chiu of bring it on 2. there was this action that cindy where she did the spirit fingers action and then pointed her middle fingers at this fucked up bitch in the show, winnie. hope i got the names right. we were like doing it here and there for no rhyme or reason. ohmygod. but it's like so cool!

i am multitasking. i typing my blog, listening to music, chatting with zijia and relaxing.

i feel pissed because i lost my touch at typing. my fingers are so not accustomed to the touch of the keys of the keyboard. it's been like how long since i last frequently, and ever since then i lost the capability of typing relatively well.

complained to zijia about relative velocity. and zijia told me that last year's social studies essays were stupid questions. and i agree. it's moronic, disgusting, stupid and pervertic. what a combination. conflicts and cooperation, sri lanka and venice. the 2005 o level batch have my deepest sympathies.

especially english.

okay, enough of studies. i'm going to be sick with more of such talk.

zihao sms-ed! such a caring godbro.
laughs.