232; dooms day
Thursday, January 18, 2007

today is the worst day that i've ever experienced in my whole life. i wonder what i've done to deserve such roar in my life. but rather than searching for sources to blame my pain upon, i shall instead talk about the wretched happenings of today.

as always i felt pretty lonely in class. i aint sure why, but i realised that class will never be the same as my og. which is sad, but syimah said that the student council made the orientation in such a manner cause we are expected to socialise with other people too.

fine.

i just felt ostracised and somehow, during lesson, i remembered someone in my og saying that we can always think of each other to somehow steel ourselves in the dull monotony of lessons. i did that. but instead of steeling myself, i let my guard down. i allowed myself to wallow in melancholy and it was there and then that i noticed how bad the situation was.

i hated the ignorance. i hated the lonesome feeling. and i missed og25 so much that my eyes welled up with tears in class. i held them back.

throughout the whole day, whatever misery i felt at being shunned was thrown aside because i held on to the faith that my og mates are always there. furthermore, that afternoon, the whole nanyang campus was having a common lunchtime and we're going to have lunch together!

that exciting propect propelled me through the rest of the day.

at common lunchtime, we promised to meet at this pillar which is sort of an og25 meeting place. tanisha, me, grace, waisan and chung hiang. then tanisha asked why i looked down. i started giving an explanation.

and before i knew it, i was crying and sobbing so badly, i felt i could burst.

i just told them everything. the whole ignorance and negligence. the rest didnt experience something as bad, as they were lucky to have either fellow og mates in the class or secondary school friends.

but i didnt.

we headed to the canteen and got seats. i volunteered to sit and guard the table since people got inconsiderate during common lunchtime. TOO PACKED. laughs. as i sat down, james talked to me and i just cried some more. not because he said insensitive things. it was probably cause the lunchtime reminded me (as well as the rest of the og i believe) that we are so bonded and that i miss them soooooo much!

weihan, chung hiang, nigel, kelvin and some others came over. guys consoling a crybaby guy. laughs. it felt so great to have them around me. i admit that i felt embarrassed about crying like that and i spent a total of about fifty sms-es at night to all the og members who were there, sending them my sincerest apologies for losing it like that.

and all their replies were so sweet!

after i regained composure, we all got food to eat. i just had some pastries cause my throat was not up to heaty malay food after that emotional wrecking experience. ate and ate and ate.

then i had a crazy idea of taking pictures! which we did! so cool. everyone took pictures with everyone. total of eighteen pictures. shall upload it here when i've the time, just not now.

it was very funny cause once, i was taking a picture with chung hiang, tze kai and weihan. we had our arms over each other's shoulder and usually when a group of people do this, we'd bend forward, for some physically 'physics' reason. what we didnt know was that our gorgeous butts were brushing against the backs of a senior girl.

and nigel only told us that after we took the picture, which i believed took about fifteen minutes of posing and shooting, cause grace (or was it crystal?) couldnt fit us into the picture. the canteen was just too bustling with activities.

after apologising profusely to the seniors and finishing our food and chatting about everything under the sun, we headed to the grand stand and took plenty of pictures. so cool right? i felt so happy. i wanted to take a single shot with all of them, but lack of time and battery energy of my phone restricted that.

i headed for general paper lecture then after that was rugby.

i don't know what to say. i'm tired of the discrimination and criticisms. i understand that nanyang wants strong teams but until when is the world going to depend on talented people and not bother about training fresh potential? singapore is one dot on the map, our talents can be so much that can be tapped on. we have lots of potential, but sadly, we remain as potential and not groomed talents because we have to give way to those talented players.

i'm telling you, it's pretty clear that rugby's second training changed every single perception that i had about it. so i'm quitting. i'm sad. first was volleyball and now it's rugby. i don't know what to say about it. filza is right about ccas having lots of controversies.

i'm tired. i just talked to dina about the possibility of me joining dragonboat, which was the cca that sarah (sqs) adviced me to join. i'm pretty psyched up but not as much anymore. i'm rather drained from all the disappointment that comes from dejecting ccas.

i guess i'll sit back and relax for now. no other options and that pretty much sucks since i've always wanted to be part of a cca that i love and will enjoy and have fun at. oh wells.

nigel doesnt want me to join dragon boat but i want to. anyway. at least i can see weihan and john and we can go home together taking bus service 105.

though i shall admit that i've never thought that cca can be this controversial. laughs. can understand why quite a number are not involved in any cca.

so after the rugby training that i felt like dying again, i was seating with nigel and were joined with weihan and john and dj. so they asked me how was rugby and i just told them everything. it's nasty. then i wanted to go eat something really sinful at macs. they accompanied me.

we talked and laughed. i just had to eat and do something with friends to get my mind off the whole fucking disasterous day of mine. i never thought it could be this bad.

reached home so late i wondered how i was going to finish my homework that was due the next day. so i burnt the midnight oil which i really hated and cried myself to sleep from all the bullshit and fatigue.

seriously, today's not my day.