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Tuesday, May 1, 2007

i don't know what title will suit this entry, since i feel that it's going to be somewhat random.

i'm still having really bad thoughts about volleyball. i don't know what to do. ak says to face it and stuff, which i'm trying really hard, but the actions of ostracism and all just makes it tougher to handle after a while. it's tiring, coping with the pressures of the people around you, who are like so much better at the sport you're crazy about, but oh wells.

i almost had to sign my own death certificate today. having slept really late yesterday without doing any homework. woke up today, relatively calm. simply because i was too tired to actually worry about deadlines.

didnt do general paper homework, history essay, malay literature review. i remained eerily calm seriously. i could even sleep during general paper, making up for time lost in teaching yuxue chemistry late last night.

my malay teacher did reprimand me. but she sort of noticed how the whole class either had trouble opening their eyes or had their whole head on the table. so she gave us some grace with the deadlines. not so bad.

speaking of yuxue, yes, i went to meet yuxue yesterday after my 'excursion' to singapore science centre with huiqun, jonathan and benjamin. to teach him atomic structure. which we did, yay. anyway, soon after that, he accompanied me to wait for the bloody bus which took two hours.

during which time we met josephine and yanyi, and taahira.

also, i was just talking to yuxue about school, shuqun, friends, sss, my clique, everything. it was really fun talking cause i felt like a shuqunite. not barred by anything.

i sort of realised how much i miss things in shuqun, set aside the torturous inferiority complex.

the friends. the laughter, the vulgarities. the honesty and stuff. it's been such a wonderful experience. i used to think that o levels was hell. now, a levels is approaching and i've the same mindset. what a cycle. it's interesting. i really treasure everything that i've experienced.

but do take note. except the inferiority complex part.

i guess my nanyang friends really helped a lot. like, now it isnt so bad to change in the toilet without the security of the cubicle.

jason thinks that zihao was an ungodly friendship. i winced at the usage of the world 'ungodly', maybe cause i'm currently behaving like a naughty boy without a bother of religion, which is bad.

it seemed like a relief. like i thought that i'd never get over it. but with the help from all my friends, slowly i overcame the whole inferiority thing with zihao. i don't know. perhaps it's cause, we always fought over a lot of things, with criticisms and insults hurled, that led to such feelings.

but now, it seems like i have a new lease of life. life in anderson is still not the same as nanyang. i find it harder to make friends because of the culture and environment but i guess, i sort of have to grin and bear with it for now. since i've no other choice now, is there?

OH OH OH.

i've lots of social plans this month and the whole of june. i'm so excited la. chalets, birthday celebrations, outings with friends and a whole lot more.

i simply cannot wait. it's been so long since i've last stepped out of my house to do some social activity like window shopping while bitching and gossiping. all this while, my life revolves around doing homework and other mundane stuff.

i want to do something more exciting with my life, than complete mathematical induction and understanding chemical equilibrium. i mean, that's a duty as a student, but i want a social life.

my mom thinks that i cannot have one because i'm in anderson and not shuqun. a junior college and not a secondary school. i'll show her that i can balance everything, just like i can balance a chemical equation!

anyway, i'll let you in on a secret.

i'm crazy about HER.