255; bored
Friday, May 4, 2007

i'm bored.

really bored.

i cannot wait for the june holidays to come. i know they're not exactly a vacation, but i want to relax for once. at the pace i'm going, i'm so longing for a day at the beach, unwinding myself.

the only question is, who to ask along?

talked to cassandra several days back. about volleyball. she thinks that what i'm going through is pure bullshit, which i fully agree to, though sometimes i prevaricate the whole thing, since i find it repugnant to just blast off about a cca i love.

anyway, my birthday's coming. i'm not even excited. my mom reminded me of it just now over dinner. usually i'd be so psyched about it. but after all the numerous chain of events that were never too pleasant, i think moving with life is better than hoping to indulge in such fantasies.

i miss madeline. a lot.

xinmin and i have yet to do a study timetable, which i hope will come to effect like really soon. if not, i'm simply going to dedicate an iota of my time to revising. not good.

i'm starting to feel this huge attachment for her. and i'm still wondering whether it's a good thing or not. it's rather confusing since i'm being bombarded with ideas that boy-girl relationships at junior college level is an act of pure stupidity, childishness and is foolhardy, jeopardises your grades and has one-oh-one other negative impacts.

clearly it's one-sided since the positive aspects are not even highlighted at the very least. nah, i'm not saying it for the sake of putting my dilemma in positive light. just that everything will have it's pros and cons, no matter how hard we try to be ignorant towards it.

i read a highly moving, touching and emotionally captivating story by james patterson. suzanne's diary for nicholas. recommended to me by taahira. i didnt think that it was as good as she said, but i couldnt put it down. i cried once, as i neared towards the end of the book, because it was so heartbreaking.

having said that, i'd like to quote james patterson's paragraph which enlightened me in some ways.

'imagine life is a game where you're juggling five balls. the five balls are called work, integrity, family, friends and health. and you're keeping them all in the air. but one day, you finally come to understand that work is like a rubber ball. if you drop it, it will bounce back. the other four balls - integrity, family, friends and health - are made of glass. if you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked and perhaps even shattered. and once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginning of the balance in your life.'

if you're an individual who doesnt seem to think that the above paragraph is very meaningful, you must be leading a wonderful life with lots of love and balance. if you claim so, i shall not attempt to miscontrue your words since i'm no lie detector. but such individuals are so rare. and lucky.

well, the paragraph really struck me. i was overwhelmed. it's actually true. we often hear of stories of people, millionaires, businessmen, who failed and picked themselves up again through sheer grit and determination. but how many of us have heard of family reunions, bridged communication between long-lost friends and such?

a minute number of such incidents. i sort of realised that although i'm determined to maintain the ball of work, or rather, studies in the air, i've pretty much neglected my family, friends and health.

it's been so long since i've last done my physical training, which clearly explains why i'm on the path of doom for the upcoming physical fitness test. hence i've neglected health.

i cannot remember the last time i initiated a family outing with my family. i've been pushing it aside, not giving a hoot since i always prioritise work more, when the time that the family has together is so rare, due to varying demands of what each member is doing.

friends. everytime, it's merely for revision purposes. i've failed to realise that the last time i had a nice talk with my friends at starbucks or something like that was like, way before the intensive revision period for the o levels. that's bad. i guess it means that a lot has to be done, to prevent them from being scuffed, nicked, or worse, shattered.

they are important elements in my life. just that i thought that they could be secondary since education was the ultimatum. but no, i see now that there has to be a balance, lest, our life might be wrecked.

seems like, it now boils down to me making better decisions in prioritising and balancing life well. not doing it merely for the sake of doing it. it has to be done well, for the benefit of, not only me, but for everyone around me.