260; i'm to blame
Tuesday, May 15, 2007

sort of went through my entries during my secondary school days. felt pretty disappointed with myself since i let myself succumb to self-inferiority and emotionally draining friends so easily.

it was no surprise that my entries comprised of daily rantings of pain, pain and pain. i never gave myself the grace of etching those beautiful moments i've spent with friends and family. i really regret, because i tried recalling them just now, and i couldnt think of any detailed recollections that i could reflect here. what a stupid and silly mistake.

but some did come to mind, though they weren't exactly clear. the numerous scrabble trainings where cass, ak, howsun, xinmin and i spent bitching about everything under the sun with mr adrian tan. we'd laugh during the happy times and cry when life got rough. it was like a safety pod where we all came together to pour out our emotions and advice each other.

(:

another thing i remember clearly was the times bukit timah clique existed. laughs. for the uninitiated, it was named in such a manner cause we used to head down to al-ameen eatery at bukit timah and have dinner. ((:

daphne, mai, jestyn, me, xinmin. ocassionally, kangwei and yanyi.

however, it's pretty clear that the bukit timah clique has been destroyed into oblivion ever since my fight with jestyn. there has never been anymore meetings ever since then. i remember the dinner dates to be the best times i had with my friends.

whenever i was tired and worn out, i'd look forward to dinner since i can let loose and just talk without having to bother about homework and tests.

last thing i can somewhat recall, the times i went out with friends!

((:

the sentosa trips with mai, daphne, kuong hing, yuxue, zihao, sienquan and xinmin.

going out with josephine, yanyi, xinmin, kangwei, cassandra, yunyu, belinda, justin on different ocassions to iceskate! man, it was soooooo cool! (: i learnt how to ice plough brake too!

shopping with ak, howsun, cassandra, xinmin, teresa, and so many others.

oh my god. the memories are so far away. i've only myself to blame for not bothering to ink them somewhere safe.

not to mention the witty moments in class! chocolate empire, a team comprising of rocking babes and dudes of jestyn, nicole, daphne, mai, teresa and ak! we rule!

(:

the discussion was so funny. nicole kept on going about "FREEZING the chocolate", with her facial expressions and actions. at the end of the day, we raised the most amount of money for charity! (:

four ehh, four bee and four see just rock!

i really miss everyone. i love my friends in anderson and nanyang. but i just don't know what to do now. time is such a precious commodity, and i've barely been successful in meeting up with the rest.

i want to forever remain in contact with all my friends. then again, i wonder whether that will ever be achieved. i mean, friends come and go. when another stage in our life opens, we step into it and tend to let go of the previous one. honestly, i feel that that chain of action is unfair, but what can i do? i'm just a mere individual with a bunch of perceptions that will neither change the world, or change the way we perceive the world to be.

it's just sad sometimes. when i think back and ask myself:

'how come i dont feel as close to my secondary school friends anymore?'

it's like, looking at friendster accounts, reading blog entries, everyone has their own, new cliques, just like me. it feels weird. like, there's a question going on in my head, that is, do my friends still treasure the times we've spent together, or have they turned a blind eye on me?

it's a scary question really. i know we all socialise and make new friends, i just hate to think that i'll lose more than what i gain. i dont want to wake up one day and just reminisce about the times i spent with xinmin, laughing with yanyi, going out with friends and all that. i really don't.

yes, i know that ultimately, we do lose contact some way or another, i just don't want to say goodbye to all my close friends just like that.

i recalled a conversation i had with bryan, of acs, once.

'secondary school is the best stage of life and education. during this time, we start to understand the beauty and joy of friendship and learn how to treasure them.

'we start to gain insight into the concept of crushing on the opposite sex, to get into relationships, all for the sake of maturing our thinking as individuals as well as to understand love.

'it is during our first steps as teenagers that we begin to understand cherish things around us better, and to not always take things for granted. we'll never know when something priceless is taken away from us. when that happens, we live in regret.'

it's not that i realise how significant our conversation actually is. i just thought it was normal gabble between two good friends, but now that i've moved from secondary school to higher education, it bears actual truth.

furthermore, the valuable lessons we've learnt through experience in secondary school, are carried on with us for life.

i want to hold on to all my friends. please. i don't want to lose them. not a single one. that's one of the many hopes that i hold on to very sincerely.

- - -

didnt go to school today. woke up with a fever and a splitting headache. went to the doctor. he had to check my blood pressure! but he didnt say anything negative, so that's a relief!

(:

but i hate eating medication.

wenson, benjamin and yiyao sms-ed me to check on me! thanks guys! benjamin said that he was wondering why there wasnt any 'hee-hee' laughter and hence realised i wasn't present. laughs.

(:

i miss a lot today can? malay oral exam. gp comprehension test. chemistry practical debrief! ahhh. so much to catch up tomorrow.

but it's okay! through perseverance and hardwork, anything is possible!

((:

ahhh man, tomorrow there's physics school-based science practical assessment for a levels! greatttt.

laughs. okay. shall go revise now! just hope that it's going to be constructive. enough slacking. laughs.

bye byeeeee.

enormous hugs! (: