271; i hate my dad
Saturday, July 7, 2007

i cried today.

i just couldnt take my father's policies any more.

today, i had intended to have my friends to come over my place to study. i thought my dad allowed it since last time, after the o level chemistry exams, my dad allowed daphne, mai and jestyn to come over.

somehow, he changed that rule again. he was claiming that he doesnt want people of other religions to come over. he said that they consumed pork.

i'm like hello? i mean. it doesnt matter. i've chinese friends who consume pork and i'm fine with that since in the multicultural and multireligious society of singapore, you sort of make allowances as everyone do not have congruent ideas of diet and stuff.

the way my dad said it made me shudder. he indirectly claimed that those who eat pork secrete pork from their skin or something. that's hideous! not to mention mean and sarcastic!

what's more, let's look at the situation more objectively. let's say someone who touched or came into contact with pork visits the supermarket and touches some products, doesnt that mean that those products have the essence of pork on them? then, a muslim walks along the aisle and touches the same product, doesnt that cause her to come in contact with pork indirectly?

i'm not saying that my friends coming over don't wash their hands and touch pork all the time. i'm just saying that it's possible to come into contact with pork even if one didnt touch it directly. this means, we have to think out of the box and make allowances for the situation.

furthermore, my dad said something like, i'm in denial that i'm a malay by race. he said something about being disgusted about me socialising with mainly chinese. i felt like screaming. i mean, in shuqun, i hardly mixed with the malays cause quite a number were a bad influence and that was the last thing i needed.

it's highly insensitive and degrading to me that he made such insinuating remarks.

i was being responsible and he made it seem like i'm some bastard that didnt give a shit and neither was he proud of his own race.

damn him.

but my friends did come for a while. simply cause my dad was out to work.

the moment they left, my mom sort of asked me why i looked so down. i just told her frankly that i was really tired of all the rules that didnt have the basis of practicality. i just felt that it was unfair.

the rules set were like convenient for himself only. my dad totally didnt give a shit about the fact that it does concern me too. half the time, i just want some friends over to just have fun cause i'm breaking down from revision, but because of the rules implemented, i can't.

hence i turn to going out or blogging about my feelings. my dad loves saying that he makes the most sacrifice in the family, yada, yada, yada. but what does he know? his job is so simple, noting events here and there, loads of paperwork and initials here and there.

okay, i'm not exactly sure what he does, but still, work follows a simple routine. in the education world, so many things are at stake and there's so many pitfalls that threaten you in the course of your study. politics, enemies, backstabbers and such. it's equally bad, or even worse, compared to the working world.

yet, he doesnt give a shit that i need a break. he thinks he's the only goddamn soul in this freaking universe that has problems. i cannot stand it la. i need a break too. i need more companionship around than simply family relations. i want my friends and there he is, blabbering about this and that.

the situation is made worse by the fact that last year, he told me that it was fine to bring friends over. it's like, so lame. how can you keep on changing rules and they're as unpredictable as a sine graph! sometimes positive, sometimes negative. it's highly saddening for me, since it just shows that he doesnt trust me to maintain a fixed kind of system.

sighs. fuck it. totally.

i hate my dad.