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Tuesday, April 8, 2008

i'm feeling out of sorts really.
i can tell that i am, cause i've not eaten a single thing today.
the only substantiable thing i've consumed are the 2 packets of milo at noon.
that's all, and i'm not hungry at the very least, nine hours after that.
kathy and the rest were voicing concerns, but i just didnt have the mood really.
too many things are happening, too little time for me to accept it all.
sometimes i look at THAT person, and wonder how much my perception's changed.

it hurts a lot sometimes.
i always believed in the best of people, and more often than not, i get hurt.
the ones you regarded as the closer friends, like xinmin and zihao..
things happen to just destroy everything.
whatever you've built for months, years.. all the memories,
go down the drain.

people tell me that it's my fault.
i shouldnt be so nice, i shouldnt perceive them to be the best of people.
however, i don't want to be a bastard and be suspicious of everyone around me.
i want to smile and laugh like i mean it.
i don't want to hide behind a facade, because i'm suspicious and believe that everyone has a malicious side to them.
i wonder whether i'll be able to handle drudgery and hatred in the REAL world.

today, sms-ing a particular someone made me feel happy.
it was a great warm feeling..
the warmth that fills your body and makes you believe that the sun will shine despite gloomy clouds.
to that someone, thank you.

chatting with bryan on MSN was an eye-opener.
he was saying that his dream is to travel the world, to simply unwind and relax.
to leave all problems behind, not cause you choose to run away.
however, to acknowledge and address them one by one.
which can only happen with a clear state of mind, one which isnt' burdened with so many issues.
or, to help out at 3rd world countries as a volunteer.
to improve their standard of living, in turn broadening your horizons.
i guess this kind of exposure helps you understand that you're truly blessed.
we all strive for that qualification and status, while being blinded as to how much we've taken for granted.

today's SL sucked like fuck.
we all realised what these people take us for.
like srsly, i'm beginning to wonder whether there's a point in doing all this for them.
if they can't respect us, we won't waste our time with such fcked arses.
machiavellians should take a long hard look at themselves and see what lies beneath that facade.

okay, i think i'm gonna force myself to consume a slice of bread.
god, what's wrong with you mr stomach.
please don't give me fcking gastric pains.
it's fcking annoying in case you don't notice.
the thought of acid clawing at the walls of your stomach isn't very pleasant.
so mr stomach, don't be a jacked arse and please revert to your usual self.
i'll let people see me pigging, just dont give me gastric pains.
they suck, period.